One-Liners
What is the difference between a dog and a fox? About 9 pints
What happened to the Pope when he went to Mount Olive? Popeye nearly killed him
How do you confuse a d##khead? Forty-two
What do you call an Italian with a rubber toe? Roberto
What do you call a woman who has no arms, no legs but gives good head? Partially disabled
Why should you never hit a midget with a learning difficulties? It's not big and it's not clever
What do you call a female police officer with a freshly-shaven pussy? C#nt Stubble
What do you call a man with a 2 inch penis? Justin
How do you stop children from bed wetting? Electric blanket
What's grey, sits at the end of your bed and takes the piss? A kidney dialysis machine
What does a gynaecologist and a pizza-boy have in common? They can both smell the food but can't eat it
What is the best thing about schizhophrenia? A casual wank suddenly turns into an orgy
Have you heard about the new Gay sitcom? It's Beaver, Leave It Alone
Why did the woman cross the road? More to the point, what was she doing out of the kitchen!
Two cannibals are sitting down eating a clown, one says to the other: does this taste funny to you?
Why did the blonde woman bring a ladder to the pub? She heard that the drinks were on the house!
What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again
What's a mixed feeling? When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car
What's the height of conceit? Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.
What's the definition of macho? Jogging home from your vasectomy.
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf Ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball.
Do you know how New Zealanders practice safe sex? They spray paint X's on the back of the sheep that kick
Why is divorce so expensive? Because it's worth it
What is a Yankee? The same as a quickie, but a guy can do it alone
What does a Tupperware owner and a walrus have in common? They both like a tight seal
What do a Christmas tree and priest have in common? Their balls are just for decoration
What is the difference between "ooooooh" and "aaaaaaah"? About three inches
What's the difference between purple and pink? The grip
How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard
How do you circumcise an inbred? Kick his sister in the jaw
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife? 45 pounds
What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? 45 minutes
Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact? Breasts don't have eyes
What is the difference between medium and rare? Six inches is medium, eight inches is rare
Why do most women pay more attention to their appearance than improving their minds? Because most men are stupid but few are blind.
Why do women rub their eyes when they get up in the morning? They don't have balls to scratch.