SMS Jokes

Kate Middleton goes to the Queen and says, "Every time I go down on William, I get terible indigestion".
The queen says, "Darling, have you tried Andrews"

Due to a water shortage in Ireland , Dublin swimming baths have announced they are closing lanes 7 and 8.

A family-sized box of kleenex went to the theme park but unfortunately was deemed too tall for the rollercoasters.

-It was a height issue.

One good thing about getting older is that multi-tasking becomes easier...you can sneeze, piss and fart all at the same time!

You won't hear from me for a while. I'm being investigated for stealing swimming pool inflatibles...I gotta lilo!

A wife say's to her husband: "Did you know that a bull shags at least three thousand times a year, why can't you do that?". The husband replies: "ask the bull if he shags the same miserable cow every night!"

Local chicken farmer hiring staff for Christmas. £9.50 per hour. I told them your experience handling cocks. You start Monday!

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her: "Only you. All the others kept me awake shaggin all night!"