Male Bashing

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?

Breasts don't have eyes.

Why don't men have mid-life crises?

They stay stuck in adolescence.

How can you tell if a man is sexually excited?

He's breathing.

How do you save a man from drowning?

Take your foot off his head.

What is that insensitive bit at the base of the penis called?

The man.

Why do doctors slap babies' butts right after they're born?

To knock the penises off the smart ones.

What do you call a man with 99% of his brain missing?

Castrated.

What should you give a man who has everything?

A woman to show him how to work it.

Why do black widow spiders kill their mates after mating?

To stop the snoring before it starts.

Why do bachelors like smart women?

Opposites attract.

Why are blonde jokes so short?

So men can remember them.

What do men and beer bottles have in common?

They're both empty from the neck up.

Why are men like blenders?

You need one, but you're not quite sure why.(Certainly not to do your washing!)

Why do so many women fake orgasm?

Because so many men fake foreplay.

Why do men have a hole in their penis?

So oxygen can get to their brains.