Men are Useless!

What should you give a man who has everything?

A woman to show him how to work it.

What's the smartest thing a man can say?

"My wife says..."

What's the quickest way to a man's heart?

Straight through the rib cage.

Why can't men get mad cow disease?

Because they're all pigs.

How does a man show he's planning for the future?

He buys two cases of beer instead of one.

What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner?

A power failure.